i forgot you still have pieces of me

Few days ago, my bf lend me his car for a few days..
it's easier for me to go anywhere i want, a.k.a he's tired of being my driver..haha
so, these occasions happened when i got the car for myself for these few days..

1)i went to my sister's house to visit my nenek and nieces..my nenek stayed with my two nieces, fatin and aina while their parent went to perform Hajj , they'll be back in 20+ th dec..

2)i went to my bestfriend house and had a sleepover since we had so many things to talk about so a 2 hour meeting would'nt do it..rite..

3)i went to my school reunion which consists only my geng members..hakhak
me, kakchik, masni, nomy, sarah and yati met at the d'klasik and chatting, and eating, and chatting for hour and hours sampai lebam!hahaa

4)two days later, me, sasha and meddy met at sarirasa kopitiam.. and we sat there like from 2.30 pm til 6.30 pm.. sampai sakit bontot wei..hahaha..and it was fun! me , shasha and meddy went to the same tuition centre back in high school,, so we are pretty close to each other, plus meddy went to the same matriculation college with me and her room is near to mine back at matric!

5)tomorrow i'll be meeting my girlfriends: aya and yan at mr cook's place, i don't know where the hell is mr cook is, but never mind since my bestfriend will be picking me up and we'll go to that place together, howww yeah!!

6)i'll be going to laili's sister's wedding this saturday!hakhak..

being hom for almost a month was not boring after all rite!!haha

p/s: my bf just take back the car from me..haha

i would rather be a.l.o.n.e than h.u.r.t like this

sweetlove, haven't you heard?

through flaws and all,

i want to be with you,

all day and all night.

sweetlove, haven't you notice?

i keep breathing because of you,

because you are my oxy,

i sleep,

because you are my sweet dreams.

sweetlove, haven't you see?

i put my heart into my palm,

bloodily,

and handed it to you,

perhaps you can handle it more gracefully.

because you drop it,

so many times.

sweetlove, can i stop?

loving you too much,

wanting you too bad,

holding you too tight.

because i would rather be alone than being hurt like this.

L.I.A.R

why do people lie?

1. because the truth is ugly? or too ugly?
2.because you said you want to protect someone from being hurt.
3.because you want to protect yourself from being hurt?

i just don't get it..
why did we lie?
worst is when we even lie to people that we loved the most..
i really hate when people lie to me or when i lie..
but now, really i try to not lie..
i appreciate if someone rather tell me the truth than lie to me just because the truth isn't beautiful..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

p/s: lie=sin

........

u know what, my 11 years old niece has a blog too..
11? like,what is that?

the world today is so unexpected..
and her blog turn out to be quite impressive..
of course for a 11 years old , rite?

i pon x canggih macam die..
siap ade ikan2 la..glitter la..
whateva..

-------------------------------------------------------------------

mar xjadi pegi kelantan for aidiadha and so is seri...
quite dissapointing..
but what the hell, rite..
there's like trillion more years to come for us to celebrate it together..
someday..

so, i'm going back tomorrow..with my sister..
hopefully air dah surut..
let's hope..

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i really trying here to not make my blog as my diary or whateva..
i'm sure people would not want to know what, where, why you are doing everyday..
rite?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

owh.. i had a fight with my friend, bestfriend , sort of..
it's not like we really had a fight, but the situations is not so ... comfortable..
and it happen because of me and my bad mouth, and my typing fingers..
typing fingers? hahaha what is that?

so, i think a owe her a big giant apology..
the guilt is eating me ALIVE!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

for the second day of raya i'm considering whether to go to my friend's house, or to my sister's friend wedding at terengganu..hurmmm

---------------------------------------------------------------------

owh..owh...owh..
me and my soon to be ex-classmates are planning to go to some islands!!!!
goshhh...
kinda excited but, there are somethings that keeping me from going (with them)
they are kinda 'baik'
so if i go, i will have to wear something nice and baik too lahh..
like, no spaghetti, no hot pants, no swimming suites,no summer dresses ..
then what am i goin to wear?
track suite?
long sleves?
erkk..

really need to think bout this one!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i miss my nieces so much..
sara, alya and baby..
aarrrrr...
i just love babies!
they are like sooooooo cute!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

can't wait to see the 'valentines day' movie screening february nexxt year!
the preview seems to be sooo yummy...
there are shepherd, sloan. jennifer garner, jessica alba, jamie fox, julia roberts, anne hathway(she's my fav).

like shepherd and sloan!!!!!!!!!!!
OMGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haaa.... can't wait to seeeeee ittttttttttt.......

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
nite, love yah..

muaxxx

i want it too..

my sister is getting married!

yeayyyy.....

next February..
i'm so excited!

wonder when my day will come..
hahah..

sweet memories

hi..

today i want to talk about my mom n my dad.

now if i see my friends with their mothers, i don't feel sad or lost because my mom died when i was 9..

i feel fine..
really

because i don't ,u know, show emotions or cry publicly..

private things like that, is to be keep just for myself..

it doesn't mean i don't love her..
it just that i forgot how it feels to have a mother..

i do love her of course..
but the impact was not as catastrophic as when my dad died..

i was CRUSHED..
everything fell apart..

i was so broken that i want to die with him..
seriously..

and my sister almost quit her study ..

it was three month before SPM comes..
that is why i didn't do so well back then..
because i lost the person who meant everything to me..

i'm kind a A straight student,
kind a.. u c..
i study so hard not because i loovee to study..
believe me i don't.
but because i want him to be proud of me..

because i love my dad..
soo much that me and my sisters devoted our life to him..

so, when he died, everything fell apart..
so broken inside i can't even tell..

i was planning to get straight A's for my SPM so that i will have the opportunity to further my study overseas,
cause i know that is what my father always wanted..
but when he's gone, that dream sound like so impossible..

until now, it still so hard for me to just remember him, without tears streaming down my face..

because he is my everything, my dad..

i can't stand people who does not appreciate or say something bad to their parents, that is just not right..

because i promise you people, when they are gone, you will regret every little bad things you once said to them, or did to them..

............................

i remember that night, 070197,
the night that my mother had her last breath..

i saw her in my dream, that night,
but i know it was not like a normal dream,
i know it is real..

i was sitting at the edge of the bed, holding some toy in my hands..
she's sitting beside me..
she said that 'na, mulai hari ni na kena jaga diri sendiri, sebab mak dah takde, mak dah meninggal'
and i said; takpe lah mak, mak meninggal hari ni, nanti esok mak datang lah balik'
and she said ' mak dah meninggal, mak takkan datang balik dah'

and when i look up to her, she was gone..
i cry so hard that my dad wakes me up..

and days after that i keep crying asking where my mom is..
and each time, my dad will start crying too..

one day i decided that i won't cry ever again. because it will just broke my dad's heart..
and it broke my heart to see him like that..

that is why i don't cry publicly..

..........................................................

when my dad spent his few last days lying on the hospital's bed, in coma,
i pray to God that if it is better for him to go,
HE better take him..
i will let go...
never in my whole life i prayed that,
cause he's been in ICU too many times..
when i got my UPSR's result, i whisper to him that i got 5A's
i whisper in his ear, because he was in coma,

and i studied at his hospital's bed when i'm taking PMR..

that was my rough days..
i'll go straight to hospital after school, everyday..

until the day he died.
.........................................

i'm sad..

now..
what am i doing with my life?
empty..
nothing..
sad huh?

where i always want to be

hujan renyai2..
aku lajukan kaki menuju ke kamu..
laju2 sampai jadi lari-lari anak..

sampai sampai tapak tangan aku sandarkan pada kulitmu..
seraya senyum semanis mungkin aku beri..
rindu sungguh,

aku sapu titis hujan di hujung rambut yang hampir mencucuk mata.
haaaaah..
nafas dihela panjang,
lega disampaikan,

hujan berhenti menyimbah bumi,sinar mentari nampak kembali,
perlahan punggung dilabuhkan,
kaki dilunjurkan,
kepala perlahan ku sandar ke kamu,

suria sudah lihatkan diri,
sinar memanaskan kaki,
cepat ku tarik ia,
tangan erat memeluk lutut,
sebab aku mahu ini,
rasa sejuk gigil ini,

disini lah tempat aku rindu,
selalu.

the calmness, the mighty tranquility

this is my favorite part,
the fresh air that you breathed ,
the smell of humidity in the air,
the smell of the rain.
this where i always want to be,

you are my tree.my big strong tree.
who always cover me from the sun,
or sometimes the rain.

where i know I'll be safe, right here.
in your heart.

you are my tree.

anti-Depression

waahh, boleh tahan berhabuk belog sy nih.
mmg busy nowadays, what to do kan?
tp harini, mlm ni,yg esoknye ptg ade test catalyst & catalysis ni, harus aku menulis something.
sebab ini anti-depression aku,

kenapa?
stress and depress saya dah melambung2, kalau plant ni mmg dah kena shut down,
because it might blow up and hurt people around it.

bermula dari segala2 projek, assignment, thesis, test yg datang tak putus2 dari hari pertama,
rasanya harini kemuncak segala nya, ditambah hati merajuk dgn cinta yang sebulan lamanya tak berjumpa,
kemuncak itu semakin memuncak2.

dan harini saya nekad mahu paksa technician lab overtime esok from 6 pm-10 pm,
because i really need to finish running all my samples.
sesampai di lab tadi, i felt lost at a moment,
knowing that the syringe used to inject the sample broke, today!
today yang lusanya perlu aku submit final report thesis.
i'm so dead!
so so dead..
waaaaaaaaa
stressssssssss
en.mus dah agree to do the overtime, but the thing is the syringe mana mau korek weiii,
tomorrow hopefully the new syringe yang dah diorder tu sampai,
that's all i can do now,
hoping and praying hard that, everything would be okay.
anti-depression.

i wish today is the next monday,
monday segala kerja dan amanah insyaAllah sudah selesai semuanya,
plus tomorrow my bucuk datang til monday,
then i should be doing just fine,
saya tak boleh jadi gila sekarang,
belum masanya,
kalau gila sejuta kali pun, kerja takkan selesai,

plus this is the one and only semester i would be spending time here in UiTM,
saya harus boleh buat semua ini, bak kata Dr.Norhuda,
biar tak tido siapkan kerja walaupun payah,
sebab payah itu hanya sekali, dan sekali itu sahaja.
dari main2, lepas tu ulang benda yang sama,
maaflah, tapi aku tak sanggup!

saya tahu dia kemari bukan saya sebab pertama nya,
MOTO GP/ VALENTINO ROSSI sebab atas saya,
datang kl dapat jumpa saya is just a bonus for him,
tanya dia berapa minggu lepas saya harus pilih antara nombor 4 @6,
saya pilih 9, because that is my fav number,
katanya ,no, only 4 @6,
saya pilih 6, sebab bentuknya hanya terbalik 9,
perlu apa nombor tu?
nak buat baju,
konon2 macam kapel's shirt whateva kan,
sebab 46 itu nombor motornye valentino rossi,
jadi saya harus jalan di bahu kanannya,
so the number is 46, not 64.
dan selama kapel dgn die xpernah saya jalan berpegangan tangan dgn dia dgn tgn kiri,
sgt kekok,
jadi saya pilih no 4.

saya sudah boleh imagine teriknya matahari di sepang waktu itu,
panas panas panas,
dan sebab memang saya ni bukan yg tahan panas,
rasa mahu tarik diri,
tapi beria nya dia tak mungkin saya runtuhkan,
saya iyakan saja,
tapi semalam cakapnya tak mahu pergi pula.
just want to spend the time with me,
bukan kalau pergi ttp spend time with me jugak kan?
dan jarang nya peluang going somewhere or doing something different than watching movie and eating,
saya paksa dia pergi, i want to spend time with him enjoying life,
peluang bukan selalu datang kan?

wah, hati dah count down hari dia datang,
rindu yang dah put away dulu ini dah melimpah2,
what i miss the most is the smell of his skin.
tambah2 dgn perfume maskulin dia tu,
dan saya sgt tak suka kalau jalan terserempak dgn org yg pakainya sama perfume dgn dia,
rasa nak ambik tiket balik time tu jugak!
huh..

anyway, i havent sleep yet since yesterday,
i think i'll go for a nap dulu before start bombing my head with the notes for test tmrw.
vielgluck sabby!

p/s: sakit bahu..adeiii

tak tahu mane silap nya

1. tak tahu mane silap nya

hari raya tahun ini sgt hambar bg saya.ramadhan yang datang pun sgt cpt terasa berlalu.
mungkin sebab awal2 dah tahu one of my brothers and kaklong were'nt going back for hari raya.

so, the mood is not there. atau mungkin sebab saya demam menjelang malam raya kedua menyebabkan saya tak mampu nak pergi ke open houses yang berderet. open houses and weddings.
waah,dgr je aku rasa penat and panas.
atau kerja2 uni yang berlambak-lambak membuatkan aku tak ada mood untuk raya
1. thesis (experiment & writing) belom siap
2.malam pra-graduan for ethics
3.petrochemical day on 7th oct.
4.placement for industrial training yang tak dapat2 lagi.

semua ni memang buatkan aku hilang mood lah nak raya.
otak serabut gle fikir benda2 ni.
so, sekarang aku try imagine betapa lega aku rasa nanti on end of nov:
1.bila thesis dah siap
2.bila ethics dah abis
3.bila petcehem day dah over
4.bila dah dapat placement for industrial training.

sumpah time tu aku nak pergi bercuti puas2..
and for the upcoming Hari Raya Haji, abg and kaklong have promise to come home because this year the qurban will be held at our house,usually we'll do it at pak ngah house..so..yeay!!!

2.tak tahu mane silap nya

tadi selepas ambil gambar ramai2 dgn budak kelas untuk malam pra-graduan nanti, ada lah sorang kawan ni tanya aku..

die: sab. betul ke (dgn muke serba salah+ tersengih2)
sab:ape yang betul? (walaupun dalam hati aku dah boleh agak ape yg die tny)
die: betul ke aku dengar kau dah brek-up?
sab: sambil tergelak2, hurmmm,sape yang menyebarkan kontroversi neh?
die: budak2 ni cakap aizat break-up lepas tuh die dengar pulak kau break-up.
sab: aku tak pernah pon cakap kat sape2 or ape2 yang aku dah break-up.haih
so,aku tak break up lah

aku pelik sgt apasal la nak heboh2 sangat aku or aizat or sape2 yang break-up ke, tak ke..
takde kaitan ngn korang lah.tapi biasalah, mulut orang bukan boleh tutup ngn kuali.
benda ni tercetus bila aku tukar status kat fb jadi single..so,fb aku,suka hati lah..

aku tak kisah kalau2 kawan rapat aku tanya,because they do care, tapi ini yg tak ade kene-mengena nih,mak haih,ishhh..melampau.

but whateva lah kan. aku bukan kisah sgt orang nak cakap pasal aku.even, masa kawan aku kat sekolah dulu buat cerita pasal aku dah tak virgin pon,aku relax jer..

(sebab die tak ade kat depan aku, kalau tak memang sedap lah kena hambur dgn aku)

3.tak tahu mane silapnya

hari raya tahun ini aku tak ke kubur mak,pa,atuk,nenek.
sume tak pegi..apa nak jadi ni..it feels weird..tapi i promise next time aku balik mesti pergi ziarah..
sepatutnye pergi ziarah masa pegi rumah pak ngah, tapi hari raya pertama agak kelam kabut nak balik rumah sebab parents tunang kakak aku nak datang rumah.hishh


4.Aku teringin sgt nak beraya kat kampung, rumah kayu,ada sawah padi, ada lembu kerbau..
sebab aku tak pernah ada kampung, rumah akulah kampung anak2 buah aku..

dan betul aku teringin nak beratur pagi raya, salam dgn orang tua, minta ampun maaf. sebab aku tak pernah buat macam tu.family aku tak amalkan macam.. maybe because kitorang bukan jenis yang open up to your feelings macam tu kan.. cukup aku cakap kalau aku mahu nangis di depan kakak aku pun,aku cukup malu.. nampak macam hopeless and so weak..

this trait memang dari ayah, he'll never ever shows his weaknesses in front of others(especially his kids).

aah, aku rindu papa..
bukan tak rindu mak, tapi aku terlalu kecil masa mak pergi.
kejam kalau aku cakap aku dah lupa perasaan ada ibu macam mana.
but that's the way i feels.
tapi tak bermakna aku tak sayang mak.

p/s: ini entry time ponteng kelas.hehe

yes,i choose him over u

yes,
it is..
i choose him over u ..
again..
well, u're the one who want so much to think like that,
then,i'll let u be..
because u know what,
screw u!

u're just the pain in the ass.

saya maafkan awak

hari raya ni saya harap saya mampu maafkan awak
sebab lyn saya mcm ni,
betul saya harap saya mampu,
sebab sekarang saya tak mampu fikir,
betapa saya kecewa dgn awak,
asalnya saya plan balik nanti,
mahu singgah ke salon baru awak,
jemput bukak puasa same2,
sebab saya balik,
just a day before raya,
dan tahun ni saya tak sempat lagi nak berbuka dgn awak,

tapi sekarang,
jurang terlalu jauh antara kita,
muka awak pun saya dah tak ingat,
suara pun dah lupa,
sebab tu saya pelik bile awak muncul dalam mimpi semalam,
sebab muka dan suara tu macam pernah tgk dan dgr.

betul saya harap raya kali ni beri peluang untuk saya,
to start over my life,
with or without you.

betul saya penat nak fikir,
perasaan marah, kecewa,sakit hatikan awak ni,
really make me exhausted.

betul saya harap,
tuhan bagi kekuatan pada saya,
menghadapi dugaan hari akan datang,
walau tak berat pada awak,
tapi cukup berat pada saya.

sebab saya percaya,
tuhan cipta semua perasaan dalam dunia ni,
kecewa,marah,sakit hati,gembira,sayang,rindu,kejam,kasihan,
supaya kita dapat rasa semua perasaan ni,
dan ambil iktibar dari nya.

dan kalau ditakdir kita jodoh nye tiada,
saya harap awak maafkan saya,
sebab saya maafkan awak.

RAYA MODE IS FINALLY ON

hai..
yes!!
raya mode is finally on!
tonite i'm supppose to be packing up my stuffs for balik kampung tomorrow!!
somehow even though i'm alone right now, i don't feel alone..
coz i'm going home to my loved ones..

wanna take this chance to wish :
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN
to: marliyana,ika,lambie,seri,she.
aya,nana,mimi,yan,dayah.
fariza,mizah,aa,aizat,acap,nadiah hanim,c'an,bazi,su,mala,fidah,lia,arip,jo,azam,am,zack,anam,buja,long,sham,cek wan,dehe,am kuryu,kakzu,kak fidah,kaka ain,fatin.

tu je aku ingt skang ni.
hehe

love u guys so much!!
xoxo

ika

nak makcik,
nak sgt baca,
tak dop gapo pon,
hehe,
maluuuuuuu,

once for all

dulu betul saya cakap die segala-galanya,
and i always, always said that i can't live without him.
after almost 5 years being together.
the relationship is matured, i think so.
but when we fight like this, i don't think so anymore.
and what i learn is that, in a relationship,
you will never enough learning about your other half.
there's always new things,new feelings, new stuff,new expressions that you need to learn.
in order to understand him,to make the relationship last.

kalau dulu saya selalu kata saya tak boleh hidup tanpa dia,
now i wonder how i survived for not talking to him or no single sms from him for almost a week.
the answer is, because i can.
betol,5 tahun bersama,

sikit2,
harga diri,
maruah,
personaliti,
pendirian,
terhakis..

in the end you end up too depend on him,
you think you can't live without him.

kalau dulu (duluuuuuu)
tahun pertama:
gaduh pun saya boleh tahan tak contact die for 3 days(max 3 days cause i can't take it too long)
tahun ketiga:satu hari
tahun ke-empat:2 jam

and i realize that i always give up first and let him win,
whether he caused the fight or me,
i will be the one to broke and apologize first.
and i don't care about my ego anymore because i love him and i want to be with him 24/7.

tapi kali ni nekad, i want to win this time.
with the motivation from marliyana,i can do it!
right?
heh, i am not sure myself.
but i have to.

what's going on in my head right now is ' he doesn't love me enough to call me or pujuk i ke?'
damn punye jantan.
can't you just put your ego aside for one minute?
makan ego kau puas2!!
heh, like i care. (i care!)

want to let out this stuff once for all,
i have lots of other thing to think and do,
my head is so messed up i can't write.
tanam kau dalam2.
nanti raya saya korek balik.

p/s: remaja pernah cakap, jgn pernah kata 'takde sape boleh sayang aku mcm die'
tapi aku buat jugak.sendiri tanggung

i suck at this

last week i went back home for 3 days..
on the Saturday morning,
in the flight to k.b,
there is a Chinese family sitting next to me,
and what caught my eyes is the daughter's bag,
that had this somekind of quote that says;
'why be the shadow when you can be the sun?'

those words somehow made me think.
yes, why is that we wanted to be something less when we can be something more?
or better?

me myself too.
always always afraid to be on top of others.
always always comfortable taking orders than giving orders.
what is that we are afraid of to put our self out there and just take the risk.

take the risk to be judged by others.
take the risk to be pointed finger at when something goes wrong.
take the risk to know your own weaknesses.
take the risk to learn things the hard way.

i want to be something more.
i want to be memorable.
i want to be extraordinary.
i want to be better.

better person.
better friend.
better sister.
better daughter.
better student.
i want to be better than what i am today.
just better..
but i certainly don't know how.
i guess i haven't learn enough,aite?

p/s: aku xtau ape yg aku bebel nih.

hati berkecai,tercucuk jantung,aku mati

kalau cinta , kenapa aku sudah tak mahu?
kalau sayang,kenapa rajuk dibuat tak tahu?
kalau kasih, kenapa mahu saja aku lari jauh2 dari kamu.
kalau tak cinta, kenapa selalu kata 'everything i do,i do it 4 u ?'
kalau tak sayang, kenapa kau peluk cium aku bila rindu?
kalau bukan kasih,kenapa tetap mahu aku?



p/s: hati benci cinta mode

ibu

menunggu-nunggu hari bulan merah datang.sepatutnye die dah jengah by this date.tapi xjuga sampai.aah.lagi baguz.mintak2 extend sampai lepas raya nanti.

seperti raya yg lepas dan yang lepas2.
pagi raya aku d rumah.siblings yang lain di masjid,solat raya.
dan seperti biasa jgk every year, aku lah yang liat bgn.mmg susah bgn pagi.hisshhh mcm mane kawin nnti.xpe, itu nanti.

hampir tgh hari,bergerak ke rumah pak ngah,dah menjadi amalan keluarga kami since my dad died few years ago.sbb pak ngah adik arwah ibu,kirenye dia lah orang tua kami skrang.
dan aku ingat first time raya di rumah nye,a few years back, aku masih ingat ku bisik ke telinga kakak 'tak rasa kan raya kat umah betul2 depan kubur?'..seraya dgr soalan aku,kakak angguk dan gelak.

kubur,cemetery, yang menempatkan orang2 yang terdahulu,yang aku sayang,kubur yang ini, berdepan dgn umh pak ngah ni.
arwah nenek,dan nenek,atok,mak,papa,othman (my three days old nephew).

kata mak su,pak ngah memang mahu tanah yang depan kubur tu, nak wat rumah keluarganya,
kata maksu lg,kalau mak su,mmg tak hendak lah, depan kubur!!
dan mmg beranda nye pon mmg betul2 menghadap kubur. kata pak ngah,bagus lah,hari2 ingat mati. dan aku rasa kagum sikit, kata maksu lagi, pakngah tu selalu berdiri kat beranda tuh,tgk kubur arwah nenek.dan semua org tahu kalau pak ngah tu ank kesayangan nye nenek.

pak ngah itu mmg anak yang soleh,anak yang baik, instead sgt baik.
dia kawin hanya selepas nenek meninggal,katanya x mahu memilih isteri over nenek. kan itu yg selalu jadi ble dah kawin.mertua vs menantu.
dan aku sebenarnya x pernah berpeluang mengenali nenek, kedua2 nenek meninggal seblm aku lahir lagi, dan atok seingat aku,meninggal masa aku 2 atau 3 tahun.

jadi aku boleh ceritakan hal ni kerna dari penceritaan maksu,mostly.
nenek meninggal pada Eidul Adha. pagi raya, nenek suruh pak ngah ke kedai tabib, membeli ubat utknye, kedai tabib pula sedikit jauh dari rumah dan disebabkan hari tu pula hari raya, pak ngah tangguhkan dulu ke kedai tabib,katanya, lepas sembelih lembu.
dah lepas ceremony menyembelih, pak ngah menuju ke kedai tabib, on d way nye nak pulang, orang kabarkan 'ibu kau dah meninggal'
terkejut sampai pengsan pak ngah.
dan pengsan nya berkali2.
begitu kasih nye dia ke nenek.
dan aku adore him for that.
selepas nenek dah gone, he was lonely and sad.
selalu rindu nenek,dan sendiri2.
ibu yang jugak kakaknya pak ngah kata ;' tak boleh jadi ni, kesian adik aku, lebih baik kawinkan dia'
only then he was married to mak ngah and blessed with 6 children.

niat dalam hati nak train teman lelaki ;
1. supaya setia macam bapa
2.taat ibu macam pak ngah

niat dalam hati. banyak kali jugak aku kabarkan pada si dia
'kalau B tak boleh nak setia macam papa, tak payah la kawin'
tapi entah die take note ke tak.

harini pasal pak ngah. nanti byk lagi nak cakap.
tapi itu nanti ye.

salam ramadhan..
today masuk 1o days dah kte berfasting.
alhamdulillah, aku,
x kecundang lagi.

pg td bukak fb dpt this msg from a good fren of mine,
address ke blog nye.
hurm..
impressive belognye tuh.
aku suke.
x secikai belog aku nih.
hahah.

ade saje aku nak comment di belognye, tapi
watpe aku nak meluah di blog org,
di sini lebih nyaman.

die orangnye lawa, brilliant, baik (both as anak n as a person)
tapi die punye down side of her own, i got mine.
tp aku fikir down side die xseteruk aku.
aku pikir.
hidup die dibesar hanya punye ibu, tidak ayah,
hidup aku dibesar tidak punye ibu dan ayah,
u'r so lucky ka.
die pon tau.

mungkin aku lucky cket dari die (wt mase ni)
aku punye teman bergelar boyfriend,
sudah 2kali hati die dipijak si lelaki.
aku belom pernah,i'm curious rasa skit yang tu mcm ape,
dan aku bukan bangga dgn tuah aku yang ini.

teman lelaki aku yg aku aku gelar hubby.
die segala-galanye.
ahmad syakhirul hisham
lelaki inilah
hidup aku sekarang

dari segi luaran,DIE
xkaya,xpunye harta
xhensem,xpunye rupa
tp ,DIE
punye hati baik,
setia bkn kepalang
sayang bukan persoalan
DIE itu
my bestfriend who always had my back(most of d time)
my brother who always takes care of me
my father who always loves me
even when he hates me

ya,
bodoh aku kalau kata die segala-galanya
tp die memang.segala-galanya
sebab aku xpunye bestfriend, xpunye brother,xpunye father
aku punye die SAHAJA

bestfriend aku dulu ada,(smpai sekarang pon ada)
tapi dah berbeza bile dah berumah tangga,
aku hilang hak sbgai sape2,
brother mmg aku ade,
tp die punye keluarga,
father, yes, i used to have one,
but not anymore.
God love him more.

kawan2.bersyukur dgn apa yg kte ade.itu kunci bahagia.
aku malang sebab xpunye ibu dan ayah,
di hari graduationku,
di hari aku bergelar isteri,
di hari aku bergelar ibu,
nanti.
kamu yag masih punye parent,masih boleh balas jasa,aku tidak.
but i'm lucky that i'm over that phase,
i've survived that pain when u lost your parent.

alhamdulillah.aku bersyukur.walau kdg2 aku lupa how lucky i'am.
i had the best parents in d whole wide world even for just a little of time.
some people had their parent all their life but not the best.

sekadar mengingatkan diri,

abeena.

please..not me, k??

i hate this feeling
this one
the feeling that make u tear..

eveythin' around me move so fast..
i can't hold on to anything..
i juz want to cry..
and let go of every these bullshits feeling go..

please..not me
i hate when i be the reason why they broke up, because he likes me..
i hate it when my friend accused me for stealing her 'crush'
i hate it when people said how lucky i am to have this and that
i hate how i used to treat some of my friends like shit!
i hate when they said that i am pretty
i hate when they said things behind my back!
they
who i called friends
n i hate when they treat me like shit!
i hate to be this person i am rite now..
hopeless
friendless
loveless
i miss my friends so much..
the one back in school
the one back in matriculation
they meant a lot to me
they be part of the reason what i am today

p/s : aya, yan, nana, mimi,mar,ika,lambie,she,medu,esoh
miss u guys a lot!!!

what sucks d most?

my heart is aching
i can't feel
anything
even my own breath
it's so hard
so far
so hurt
so..
why don't u give me a hug,love?

binatang hati

manusia,ye
engkau,kamu,die,mereka,
kamu semua
binatang hati aku
da puas aku menunduk,
menyorok
menutup kudis
supaya yang kau nampak
hanya yang cantek
bersih
wangi
wah
jgn tertipu
ini aku
ye aku

binatang kau
yg engkau rantai leher,
yang kau heret, seret,
ye
muke ini yg sama
yang kau ludah air liur acid

aku yg sama
takkan menunduk,menyorok
lagi
diam
jgn kau hambur kata-kata acid lg
diam
knp ko masih?
diam
nah ,
aku bangkit
kata-kata acid
lagi
aku robek mulutmu
tusuk jantung mu
diamkan kau selamanya
sondol jari kau
yg menonyoh aku ke bawah
sampai patah
patah jarimu,rusukmu,hatimu
bukan AKU

skrg tinggal hanya
kata-kata darah kau
yang tak akn hilang
walau dibasuh,dicuci
dgn mud tujuh kali

my love quotes

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a mans last romance.”

love is in d air!!

LOVE is in d air! that's right!
owh, i'm so in love..feel so blessed that he's in my life..
yeah, that's him, the reason i want to live,love and die.. all becoz of him!
well, we juz got back from perhentian islands few days ago. and i love every single moment i spent with him. he makes me feel safe, comfortable,loved, lived! and i miss him so much i want cry!
well i did actually, emo huh?!
u can't help it when u're in lovee right.
every other thing does not matter, what's matter is u and ur own world. he's my world. we've been together for 4 years now. can't believe how fast time fly by. 4 of ups and downs years. 4 of happy and painful years. 4 years of laughter and tears.4 of hates and loves years. 4 of my precious love life.

hari pertama

waaah..
can't beleive i've started my own blog..
i'll continue later..
time to sleep
bye bye