Hati

Aku punya hati
Hati yang kecil ini
Lemah dan tak berpagar
Hati yang bukan kupinta

Tapi dianugerah oleh Tuhan
Supaya aku lengkap
sebagai manusia
dan hamba-Nya

Oh Tuhan
Ampuni daku

Kerna lemah
dengan UjianMu

Tolong daku
TuhanKu
Ampuni aku
Segala dosaku

Oh Tuhan
Sayangi aku
dan IbuBapaku
Selamatkan daku

Dari hidup yang penuh ranjau Durjana

love and faith

love and faith
are the two most powerful thing in the world
love takes you across the ocean and continents
faith takes you beyond that
it takes you across the seven layers sky

beyond anything and everything

i dont know how to ..live

life is ...what exactly?

is it a path with mysterious end or is it a story written so well and we're just playing our part?
i honestly don't know,

but what i know is,
life is hard,
for some people,
and not so hard,
for those people we consider as the lucky ones.

there types of people, or i would types of life.
the first goes to the lucky one,
royal, they get and do pretty much what ever they want.
and the richest of the richest too.
well,
i won't bother about them.
i am not one of them, i don't socialize with those people.
talking about the more realistic ones,
closer to me one.

she is a friend.
not so close.
but a friend.
her parents are the rich people.
she gets a driver to drove her to school everyday,
and pick her up too.
never being fetch late.

then she goes to high school,
the kind of high school that only rich people's kids go?
yeah.
i was bright though.
but not the 'WOW' bright,
she was okey.
then she finished high school and went to the most expensive college in the oversea.
had a blast of her life.
came back and literally.
do nothing.
because money was no problem to her.
or her family.
the are the rich people.

and observing her life,
i think.
no fair.
no fair.
she's beautiful, smart, and she got to keep everything.
and her parent too.
no fair.

and i did not have anything,
no parent,
no money,
no nothing.
my life sucks.
compared to her of course.

one thing about money is.
its drive you nuts!!
because of money,
i actually write this post.
i am mad to my boyfirend,
because he cannot talk to me everytime i called him,
except before he went to bed,
because he needs to work,
8am to 1 am,
everyday because he want to make more money.
and i am mad.
not to him
but to fact that i cant be mad at all.
because its is stupid and irrelevent.

so i am pissed off because of money!
 told you money drives you nuts!

i keep complaining that i don't have a life.
not true!
i don't have THE  money,
without money,
i can't go out and hang out with my friends,
i can't to shopping,
not even online!
i can't go to vacation,
i can't pretty much do anything.
that's why my world isn't moving for me.
because of the damn money.

and i promise to myself that i would never everrrr put myself in this pathetic little situation again!
i can live just alright without money.
right?
fine, i know,
money isn't everything,
but everything needs money,
How's frustrating it is? Hurm

hey, how's life peeps?

The answer would...

  errrrrrr Pretty much nothing..really.
okey, this is the state where you see yourself transferring from young adult to- A.D.U.L.T

at least that's the way i see it.
we grow up, move forward everyday, and i must say, i too don't know how i get here.
but all i know is i'm here now.
i am now officially 23, jobless graduates, and nothing.
like 23?????? when did i get so old?

omg.
for 23 years, i certainly don't know what i am doing.
i manage to finish my degree on time. 4 years. phewww.that was long.
but seriously,i feels like i was on the 3rd semester just yesterday.
well, since i was a little kid, i always thought that i'll die before i finish high school.
i'll die or the dooms day came.
and, or course i didn't die, or was sent to hell.
i actually finished my high school years.
then next came matriculation days and life in uni.
the reason why i think i would die before i reached 17 is because,
it seems too long to finish high school.

owh wait!
my convocation day would be on upcoming november! can't wait.
and i'll be struggling to decide who will be in the hall watching me accepting the scroll.
well, it would be easier if my parent is still here.
i need to make a wise decision so that no one will feel left out, or dismissed or anything.

my boyfriend said i can start working last sunday at the maxis centre.
but, today is tuesday, and not a word from him.
i feels likely to kill him.
i especially hate waiting.
u know,
ESPECIALLY when i don't know what i was waiting for.
it is sick.

okey, u know what.
until today,
i believe that
i never done anything for myself.
u know.
never.
i went to take engineering course because of my brother (since i don't know what i want to be, literally)
and when i finally get my degree, i dont know what to do with it.
of course i try to find a job related to the course.
but, i don't really want to be an engineer.
(except for the money, you see, i love money)
but, since i was able to dream,
i always want to be a model or a stewardess.
haha
laugh all you can.
but i did.
and realize i wasn't cut out to be a model because of my height.
of course i was like the TALLEST among my sisters.
 but not in the real world.

and now it's too late for me to do that.
it's a bye-bye dream.
now i want to work my ass off to find a decent job with a decent paycheck
so that i can fulfill my other dreams.
that would be my EUROPEAN TOUR!!
well, i kind of promise myself to do that before i die.
at least now, i DO NOT think that i'll die before i reach 50 years old.

heh

bagaimana

bagaimana harus aku jadi sesuatu yang pastinya bukan aku,
hanya kerna kamu?
atau
perlukah kau mempertikaikan setiap bulu, urat, sel darah dan DNA aku?
apa kau lupa,
yang namanya Tuhan itu bukan kau,
tak pernah dan tak mungkin,

from love to love, never end to come

it's been so long since the last post aite?
well, doesn't feels like writing until today.

nothing much going on in my life , so that's why it's been so hard to write one of this days.
last 2 weekends i went out with my angels, we went to play kites in selayang , then heads to the castle , thennnnn to i-city,
things was not going so well, but okey,
so, here the pics

these are my angels.
who would cry, laugh, and snores with me at anytime.
lubiu guys...

otak normal menaip

okeh, saya punya hobi membaca,
sebab itu saya punya blog, di mana tempat yg free untuk saya muntahkan balik apa yg saya baca,
tapi saya tak punya hobi menulis, or in this case, typing,

saya malas,
itu mungkin bukan perkara yg mampu anda pura-pura buat-buat terkejut,

jadi setiap kali otak saya ligat mendapat idea-idea bernas yang boleh dikongsi dengan anda,
saya tidak menaipkan ia ke balam blog,
sebab kelajuan ayat ayat extravaganza ini berlegar legar di otak saya sgt laju berbanding dengan kelajuan saya menaip di keyboard,
harap maklum,
sebab itu blog ini jarang jarang di update ,

dan kerana hobi membaca ini,
saya mampu membaca blog hanakirana ,
secara terus menerus selama dua hari,
dari entri yang terakhir beliau post hingga ke yang pertama,

pengalaman-pengalaman beliau mengembara di negara negara asing,
sangat menarik di hati saya,
dan membuak buakkan lagi semangat saya untuk melaksanakan impian
kembara eropah @ European tour saya,
impian ini tersenarai di dalam 20 to do list before i die saya ok! ,

dan insayAllah saya akan laksanakan one day nanti,
hopefully.. =)

belajar hidup harus bijak,
jangan terlalu sangap dengan benda benda yang duniawi,
live smart, not hard.

bakal graduate  pada tahun ini dan akhirnya bergelar siswazah secara sah,
saya tak sabar mahu menempuh hidup secara berdikari,
contohnya: mempunyai pekerjaan yang pay nya mampu bayar sewa rumah, kereta, makan, shopping saya tanpa perlu meminta minta lagi dari kakak kakak, atau abang abang saya mahupun boyfriend saya.

oleh kerana semenjak dua menjak mendokong tittle pelajar praktikal,
saya punya masa yang agak terlebih lebih,
melimpah limpah masa lapang sasar saya,
jadi otak boleh berfungsi secara normal,

kalau sebelum ini,
waktu masih juggling between  pergi kelas, siapkan assignment, FB, blog, dan program program yang entah hape hape,
saya mempunyai otak yang letih,
yang tak mampu fikir benda selain dari yang hanya boleh affect saya punya cgpa,
jadi waktu itu saya nekad,
saya mahu cuti sekurang kurangnya 6 bulan selepas tamat degree,

 jadi sekarang berbekalkan otak normal saya ini,
saya bersungguh sungguh mahu cari kerja sementara sebelum habis praktikal,
supaya  i can start working right away after my practical training session end,
dalam mencari kerja maksudnya tidak terhad kepada kerja sebagai inginiur sahaja,
apa apa kerja yang memberi pendapatan sementara,
=)

dan kalau apa,
saya masih tetap mahu kerja,
walau di pizza, klinik, courts mammoth, atau mana mana sahaja,
kerana saya perlu wang untuk bayar yuran kelas mandarin yang bakal diambil sementara
menjawat jawatan siswazah penganggur selepas ini.
=)

owh ya, saya rasa saya ada hobi baru, iaitu mencreate satu filosofi setiap hari yang mana akan saya post di blog. ahaaaaaaaa

p/s:  =)

my list of secret admirers

i bet everyone has a secret,
or have secrets,
secrets that they will,
never tell anyone,
secrets that they will,
tell someone,
someday.

i have secrets,
and don't expect me to spill it,
especially here.

u have secrets,
one that you create on your own,
or maybe,
secrets of someone,
that made you promise,
to treat it as your own.

p/s: how can we trust someone to keep our secret while we hardly trust our self.
 ' who am i?, that's a secret i'll never tell. xo xo, gossip girls.'

it's better to not know

and now i know for sure that i can be mean to people sometimes,
because when my feeling's hurt,
i don't feel like keeping it to myself,
i let it out,
in a way that,
people see as,

unease ,
hurtful ,
cruel,

i don't usually attack people,
i am being very defensive of myself,

because

all those years,
i kept it all,
inside,
without a trace,
all the unease, hurtful, cruel moments.

and i don't have a chance to be defensive.

at all.

and i hate those people whom treat me like shit.
that's why i want to at least try, to be nicer?
better.way better.

p/s: ini kes mulut celupar.hehe

My worst enemy

halloo sayangs,

it's been sooo long since my last post..
been so lazy and busy to update it..or i rather say, i only can write when i want to...

well, actually there been a lot of issues that are interesting to be yapping about, but i'm too lazy to type it so the words just play in my head.

today, i spent half of my working hours reading Tun Mahathir's blog and i get stuck on the 9/11 was staged article..
since i'm a big fan of Tun, so i read those tiny words til my eyes are hurt..

and i watched the 2 hour video that was linked to this article and it's interesting..

Okey,
So i'm not a big fan of BUSH rite, so, of course i agree with Tun that the attack was staged..
i'ts definitely the conspiracy theory that happen between the Jews and BUSH which BUSH happen to be denying it over and over again.
or i would say the conspiracy by the peoples who lied to go to a war..

enough said.


when i was a kid, i enjoyed reading newspaper, every single day..i would read every pages (except for the sport section because it sucks,haha)
and when, i was a kid, til now, i realize that there a section on the international news, (i guess)..
everyday, there would article about how awful it is the situations in PALESTINE. I mean every single day.

and everytime, i read it,read it , read it and read it..
and i hate it,because i can't do anything to stop it except pray to ALLAH that some day HE would payback the same thing to those cruel Zionis.

so, one day i just decided to stop. reading articles about that.
and i can say that, it is a lot easier..i don't know what, but i do feel ease.

So, when i read the post on Tun's blog today, those hurtful, hatred, devastating feeling came back.. and again. i felt helpless.urgh.

These kind of things pressurized me.

I love books. ready love them.
When i started to collect the books i read when i was younger, mystery, fiction, horror would be my genre. after a while i stop buying this genre of books since i found that they are too somehow give me a non-comforting-pressurizing feeling.

So,
I decide to go for romance.Until now.
Romance gives me butterflies.and put a smile on my face and sometimes a blush.
silly rite?

Owh, i do bought a book last week but haven't had a chance to even browse through it.
i will not start reading it until i am capable to really provide sufficient time to finish it, it's just me, u know, because books for me is like a wine, the longer you keep it, the better the taste.

And i'm still searching for catcher in the rye.hopefully this weekend will do it.

P/s: i started to lost tracks in my life.don't know,what, where, when,how things going on lately.