yes,i choose him over u

yes,
it is..
i choose him over u ..
again..
well, u're the one who want so much to think like that,
then,i'll let u be..
because u know what,
screw u!

u're just the pain in the ass.

saya maafkan awak

hari raya ni saya harap saya mampu maafkan awak
sebab lyn saya mcm ni,
betul saya harap saya mampu,
sebab sekarang saya tak mampu fikir,
betapa saya kecewa dgn awak,
asalnya saya plan balik nanti,
mahu singgah ke salon baru awak,
jemput bukak puasa same2,
sebab saya balik,
just a day before raya,
dan tahun ni saya tak sempat lagi nak berbuka dgn awak,

tapi sekarang,
jurang terlalu jauh antara kita,
muka awak pun saya dah tak ingat,
suara pun dah lupa,
sebab tu saya pelik bile awak muncul dalam mimpi semalam,
sebab muka dan suara tu macam pernah tgk dan dgr.

betul saya harap raya kali ni beri peluang untuk saya,
to start over my life,
with or without you.

betul saya penat nak fikir,
perasaan marah, kecewa,sakit hatikan awak ni,
really make me exhausted.

betul saya harap,
tuhan bagi kekuatan pada saya,
menghadapi dugaan hari akan datang,
walau tak berat pada awak,
tapi cukup berat pada saya.

sebab saya percaya,
tuhan cipta semua perasaan dalam dunia ni,
kecewa,marah,sakit hati,gembira,sayang,rindu,kejam,kasihan,
supaya kita dapat rasa semua perasaan ni,
dan ambil iktibar dari nya.

dan kalau ditakdir kita jodoh nye tiada,
saya harap awak maafkan saya,
sebab saya maafkan awak.

RAYA MODE IS FINALLY ON

hai..
yes!!
raya mode is finally on!
tonite i'm supppose to be packing up my stuffs for balik kampung tomorrow!!
somehow even though i'm alone right now, i don't feel alone..
coz i'm going home to my loved ones..

wanna take this chance to wish :
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN
to: marliyana,ika,lambie,seri,she.
aya,nana,mimi,yan,dayah.
fariza,mizah,aa,aizat,acap,nadiah hanim,c'an,bazi,su,mala,fidah,lia,arip,jo,azam,am,zack,anam,buja,long,sham,cek wan,dehe,am kuryu,kakzu,kak fidah,kaka ain,fatin.

tu je aku ingt skang ni.
hehe

love u guys so much!!
xoxo

ika

nak makcik,
nak sgt baca,
tak dop gapo pon,
hehe,
maluuuuuuu,

once for all

dulu betul saya cakap die segala-galanya,
and i always, always said that i can't live without him.
after almost 5 years being together.
the relationship is matured, i think so.
but when we fight like this, i don't think so anymore.
and what i learn is that, in a relationship,
you will never enough learning about your other half.
there's always new things,new feelings, new stuff,new expressions that you need to learn.
in order to understand him,to make the relationship last.

kalau dulu saya selalu kata saya tak boleh hidup tanpa dia,
now i wonder how i survived for not talking to him or no single sms from him for almost a week.
the answer is, because i can.
betol,5 tahun bersama,

sikit2,
harga diri,
maruah,
personaliti,
pendirian,
terhakis..

in the end you end up too depend on him,
you think you can't live without him.

kalau dulu (duluuuuuu)
tahun pertama:
gaduh pun saya boleh tahan tak contact die for 3 days(max 3 days cause i can't take it too long)
tahun ketiga:satu hari
tahun ke-empat:2 jam

and i realize that i always give up first and let him win,
whether he caused the fight or me,
i will be the one to broke and apologize first.
and i don't care about my ego anymore because i love him and i want to be with him 24/7.

tapi kali ni nekad, i want to win this time.
with the motivation from marliyana,i can do it!
right?
heh, i am not sure myself.
but i have to.

what's going on in my head right now is ' he doesn't love me enough to call me or pujuk i ke?'
damn punye jantan.
can't you just put your ego aside for one minute?
makan ego kau puas2!!
heh, like i care. (i care!)

want to let out this stuff once for all,
i have lots of other thing to think and do,
my head is so messed up i can't write.
tanam kau dalam2.
nanti raya saya korek balik.

p/s: remaja pernah cakap, jgn pernah kata 'takde sape boleh sayang aku mcm die'
tapi aku buat jugak.sendiri tanggung

i suck at this

last week i went back home for 3 days..
on the Saturday morning,
in the flight to k.b,
there is a Chinese family sitting next to me,
and what caught my eyes is the daughter's bag,
that had this somekind of quote that says;
'why be the shadow when you can be the sun?'

those words somehow made me think.
yes, why is that we wanted to be something less when we can be something more?
or better?

me myself too.
always always afraid to be on top of others.
always always comfortable taking orders than giving orders.
what is that we are afraid of to put our self out there and just take the risk.

take the risk to be judged by others.
take the risk to be pointed finger at when something goes wrong.
take the risk to know your own weaknesses.
take the risk to learn things the hard way.

i want to be something more.
i want to be memorable.
i want to be extraordinary.
i want to be better.

better person.
better friend.
better sister.
better daughter.
better student.
i want to be better than what i am today.
just better..
but i certainly don't know how.
i guess i haven't learn enough,aite?

p/s: aku xtau ape yg aku bebel nih.

hati berkecai,tercucuk jantung,aku mati

kalau cinta , kenapa aku sudah tak mahu?
kalau sayang,kenapa rajuk dibuat tak tahu?
kalau kasih, kenapa mahu saja aku lari jauh2 dari kamu.
kalau tak cinta, kenapa selalu kata 'everything i do,i do it 4 u ?'
kalau tak sayang, kenapa kau peluk cium aku bila rindu?
kalau bukan kasih,kenapa tetap mahu aku?



p/s: hati benci cinta mode

ibu

menunggu-nunggu hari bulan merah datang.sepatutnye die dah jengah by this date.tapi xjuga sampai.aah.lagi baguz.mintak2 extend sampai lepas raya nanti.

seperti raya yg lepas dan yang lepas2.
pagi raya aku d rumah.siblings yang lain di masjid,solat raya.
dan seperti biasa jgk every year, aku lah yang liat bgn.mmg susah bgn pagi.hisshhh mcm mane kawin nnti.xpe, itu nanti.

hampir tgh hari,bergerak ke rumah pak ngah,dah menjadi amalan keluarga kami since my dad died few years ago.sbb pak ngah adik arwah ibu,kirenye dia lah orang tua kami skrang.
dan aku ingat first time raya di rumah nye,a few years back, aku masih ingat ku bisik ke telinga kakak 'tak rasa kan raya kat umah betul2 depan kubur?'..seraya dgr soalan aku,kakak angguk dan gelak.

kubur,cemetery, yang menempatkan orang2 yang terdahulu,yang aku sayang,kubur yang ini, berdepan dgn umh pak ngah ni.
arwah nenek,dan nenek,atok,mak,papa,othman (my three days old nephew).

kata mak su,pak ngah memang mahu tanah yang depan kubur tu, nak wat rumah keluarganya,
kata maksu lg,kalau mak su,mmg tak hendak lah, depan kubur!!
dan mmg beranda nye pon mmg betul2 menghadap kubur. kata pak ngah,bagus lah,hari2 ingat mati. dan aku rasa kagum sikit, kata maksu lagi, pakngah tu selalu berdiri kat beranda tuh,tgk kubur arwah nenek.dan semua org tahu kalau pak ngah tu ank kesayangan nye nenek.

pak ngah itu mmg anak yang soleh,anak yang baik, instead sgt baik.
dia kawin hanya selepas nenek meninggal,katanya x mahu memilih isteri over nenek. kan itu yg selalu jadi ble dah kawin.mertua vs menantu.
dan aku sebenarnya x pernah berpeluang mengenali nenek, kedua2 nenek meninggal seblm aku lahir lagi, dan atok seingat aku,meninggal masa aku 2 atau 3 tahun.

jadi aku boleh ceritakan hal ni kerna dari penceritaan maksu,mostly.
nenek meninggal pada Eidul Adha. pagi raya, nenek suruh pak ngah ke kedai tabib, membeli ubat utknye, kedai tabib pula sedikit jauh dari rumah dan disebabkan hari tu pula hari raya, pak ngah tangguhkan dulu ke kedai tabib,katanya, lepas sembelih lembu.
dah lepas ceremony menyembelih, pak ngah menuju ke kedai tabib, on d way nye nak pulang, orang kabarkan 'ibu kau dah meninggal'
terkejut sampai pengsan pak ngah.
dan pengsan nya berkali2.
begitu kasih nye dia ke nenek.
dan aku adore him for that.
selepas nenek dah gone, he was lonely and sad.
selalu rindu nenek,dan sendiri2.
ibu yang jugak kakaknya pak ngah kata ;' tak boleh jadi ni, kesian adik aku, lebih baik kawinkan dia'
only then he was married to mak ngah and blessed with 6 children.

niat dalam hati nak train teman lelaki ;
1. supaya setia macam bapa
2.taat ibu macam pak ngah

niat dalam hati. banyak kali jugak aku kabarkan pada si dia
'kalau B tak boleh nak setia macam papa, tak payah la kawin'
tapi entah die take note ke tak.

harini pasal pak ngah. nanti byk lagi nak cakap.
tapi itu nanti ye.

salam ramadhan..
today masuk 1o days dah kte berfasting.
alhamdulillah, aku,
x kecundang lagi.

pg td bukak fb dpt this msg from a good fren of mine,
address ke blog nye.
hurm..
impressive belognye tuh.
aku suke.
x secikai belog aku nih.
hahah.

ade saje aku nak comment di belognye, tapi
watpe aku nak meluah di blog org,
di sini lebih nyaman.

die orangnye lawa, brilliant, baik (both as anak n as a person)
tapi die punye down side of her own, i got mine.
tp aku fikir down side die xseteruk aku.
aku pikir.
hidup die dibesar hanya punye ibu, tidak ayah,
hidup aku dibesar tidak punye ibu dan ayah,
u'r so lucky ka.
die pon tau.

mungkin aku lucky cket dari die (wt mase ni)
aku punye teman bergelar boyfriend,
sudah 2kali hati die dipijak si lelaki.
aku belom pernah,i'm curious rasa skit yang tu mcm ape,
dan aku bukan bangga dgn tuah aku yang ini.

teman lelaki aku yg aku aku gelar hubby.
die segala-galanye.
ahmad syakhirul hisham
lelaki inilah
hidup aku sekarang

dari segi luaran,DIE
xkaya,xpunye harta
xhensem,xpunye rupa
tp ,DIE
punye hati baik,
setia bkn kepalang
sayang bukan persoalan
DIE itu
my bestfriend who always had my back(most of d time)
my brother who always takes care of me
my father who always loves me
even when he hates me

ya,
bodoh aku kalau kata die segala-galanya
tp die memang.segala-galanya
sebab aku xpunye bestfriend, xpunye brother,xpunye father
aku punye die SAHAJA

bestfriend aku dulu ada,(smpai sekarang pon ada)
tapi dah berbeza bile dah berumah tangga,
aku hilang hak sbgai sape2,
brother mmg aku ade,
tp die punye keluarga,
father, yes, i used to have one,
but not anymore.
God love him more.

kawan2.bersyukur dgn apa yg kte ade.itu kunci bahagia.
aku malang sebab xpunye ibu dan ayah,
di hari graduationku,
di hari aku bergelar isteri,
di hari aku bergelar ibu,
nanti.
kamu yag masih punye parent,masih boleh balas jasa,aku tidak.
but i'm lucky that i'm over that phase,
i've survived that pain when u lost your parent.

alhamdulillah.aku bersyukur.walau kdg2 aku lupa how lucky i'am.
i had the best parents in d whole wide world even for just a little of time.
some people had their parent all their life but not the best.

sekadar mengingatkan diri,

abeena.