Thursday, November 15, 2012

Strength vs Weakness

I always put myself in troubles because of my soft heart. I may not be the soft-spoken type of person. But I can ensure you that I have a soft heart. Ah
I can be mad, angry and wants to kill you in one second, then I'll feel bad and guilty  in the next second.

It is rather challenging because people/friends/family tends to look at you as the weak creature that easily get bullied by others or perhaps by them.

Oh yes, I have been bullied by my sisters as long I can remember back in where I was a kid.
But I just grew out of it.

A friend would always say "Ala, you/kau memang..bla bla bla..."
Well it hurts actually when someone said that, it makes me feels so small. And I would with all my might try to be "bigger" and be more "hard".

Well, that days is over.

I now, accept who I am, it is how I was build, it is how God has made me.

I'll deal with the guilt and regret but for now, that is it. I would rather not change.

It may be my weakness, but it is also my strength. Oh talking about how easily I forgive peoples in my life with just a single "sorry".
 Ah, soft heart.

Sunday, November 11, 2012


My sister is at Koh Lipe at this moment having the best moments in her life.
And I hate her.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Just maybe

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya yang memegang hati dia itu hanyalah engkau.
Dan selalu sahaja aku berdoa agar kau ubah hati dia.
Dan terkadang aku lupa bahawa
Sesungguhnya yang memegang hati aku juga hanyalah engkau.
Maybe, just maybe, hati aku yang perlu berubah.
Dan hanya padamu aku meminta pertolongan.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

020910 :)

Love makes you do stupid things. So, they say.
But you know what? It is worst than that.

It is hard to describe exactly  what it is.
It is almost a miracle.
How is this feeling makes your chest feels tight, put a smile on your face without you even realise it.
Makes you do stupid things.
Or worst.

Allah is awesome. My God is awesome. He creates feelings. Love.
Love is in fact, well awesome.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Lost-by Miss Aida

You won’t call. 

You never do. 

To you the incident was trivial, inconsequential; one of those silly feminine moments that seemed slightly overemotional. In your mind, it was something that would blow over quickly. Something that didn’t warrant your attention. 

So you don’t call. 

She won’t show you her tears. 

She never does. 

To her, it is almost a battle – a show of weakness almost, and her pride won’t let her cry in front of you. She walks away instead and she feels like she’s being pushed away. Like she’s something trivial, inconsequential – just another moment in which she felt unloved. 

But she does cry over all those things that you felt didn’t warrant your attention, tears of frustration more than anything else. 

She won’t show you her tears. 

So you go on, as does she, and one day the balance will splinter. Those small things will add up. She will realize that she deserves someone who is worth her tears. You will realize that somewhere along the line, both of you stopped communicating. And so it ends, in the way that so many other love stories have ended before. 

A battle lost.

It is like my soul speaking through her language.

Monday, August 27, 2012


Jangan biar kesombongan membunuhmu,
Kelak yang tinggal hanya hati yang mati.

Saturday, July 28, 2012



Alhamdulillah, I think this is the first time I have ever start my post with a Salam.

Well, it is Ramadhan again, I am grateful to Allah that He still love me and give me the opportunity to experience yet another blessed and blissful Ramadhan.

As long as I can write, I will write in this blog, eventhough it is not frequent. I am not sure using the word "write" is right, but you got what I mean right ;) .

Ramadhan this time is somewhat very special to me. The first day alone was , erm how should I put it, "tough".

And it is not tough because of the lack of food and water in my system, it is mentally tough. I am not sure if that makes sense.
Being hit with a massive headache/migraine really affected my fasting on the first day since all I was able to do was sleep. Don't even ask how did I got myself a massive migraine, I might have triggered it myself from the endless crying. Well, that is not to be discussed here. :p

I have been longing to write, but then I felt that I literally almost did not have time for myself, let alone, actually spending a generous amount of time to blog. So, i skipped, and skipped.


I have been struggling with some issues with myself lately. Having to decide what I want/want to do is actually hard than having to decide what to have for breakfasting today (Muslim's dilemma every Ramadhan). I have been thinking about "covering up" starting this year's Ramadhan's, I want to do it, but I may not be 100% ready, I should it but I am still enjoying all the non-Islamic clothing. I don't know, really. Why is it so damn hard to decide about covering up? It is a good thing though, wait it is the RIGHT thing to do. Why am I having this dilemma? It is really that hard to just put a cloth on your head to cover your hair? Is it?
YES. it is. Because covering up does not mean that you put a piece of cloth on your head to cover your hair, it is more than that, it is about not showing ANY part of your body to the Mahram for except your face and palms.

That is a big step, 90% of my clothes now in not going to deliver the covering up part. And I am frustrated about that. Your feet is aurat, your body SHAPE is aurat, your VOICE is aurat.


You know what will be worth all the HARDship just to cover your aurat? Allah's blessing, HIS approval, if you do it because you are afraid of the sins granted to you, yes you are doing it for the RIGHT thing, not because of what people will say, not because of my parent ask me to, not because I look pretty and fashionable in that fancy colourful scarf.

And it is sad because I am not ready yet to give up my skirts, my dresses, my pants for Allah's approval.

Would you guys pray for me please.?

Ramadhan here you come again,
Thank you for not abandoning me,
Save me from this pain,
As I was so lost in finding thee,

Ya Allah,
Open my heart for your hidayah,
As my heart is thick with sins,
It is your love I should be chasing,
Not the human temporary compliments.