........

u know what, my 11 years old niece has a blog too..
11? like,what is that?

the world today is so unexpected..
and her blog turn out to be quite impressive..
of course for a 11 years old , rite?

i pon x canggih macam die..
siap ade ikan2 la..glitter la..
whateva..

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mar xjadi pegi kelantan for aidiadha and so is seri...
quite dissapointing..
but what the hell, rite..
there's like trillion more years to come for us to celebrate it together..
someday..

so, i'm going back tomorrow..with my sister..
hopefully air dah surut..
let's hope..

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i really trying here to not make my blog as my diary or whateva..
i'm sure people would not want to know what, where, why you are doing everyday..
rite?

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owh.. i had a fight with my friend, bestfriend , sort of..
it's not like we really had a fight, but the situations is not so ... comfortable..
and it happen because of me and my bad mouth, and my typing fingers..
typing fingers? hahaha what is that?

so, i think a owe her a big giant apology..
the guilt is eating me ALIVE!

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for the second day of raya i'm considering whether to go to my friend's house, or to my sister's friend wedding at terengganu..hurmmm

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owh..owh...owh..
me and my soon to be ex-classmates are planning to go to some islands!!!!
goshhh...
kinda excited but, there are somethings that keeping me from going (with them)
they are kinda 'baik'
so if i go, i will have to wear something nice and baik too lahh..
like, no spaghetti, no hot pants, no swimming suites,no summer dresses ..
then what am i goin to wear?
track suite?
long sleves?
erkk..

really need to think bout this one!

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i miss my nieces so much..
sara, alya and baby..
aarrrrr...
i just love babies!
they are like sooooooo cute!

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can't wait to see the 'valentines day' movie screening february nexxt year!
the preview seems to be sooo yummy...
there are shepherd, sloan. jennifer garner, jessica alba, jamie fox, julia roberts, anne hathway(she's my fav).

like shepherd and sloan!!!!!!!!!!!
OMGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haaa.... can't wait to seeeeee ittttttttttt.......

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nite, love yah..

muaxxx

i want it too..

my sister is getting married!

yeayyyy.....

next February..
i'm so excited!

wonder when my day will come..
hahah..

sweet memories

hi..

today i want to talk about my mom n my dad.

now if i see my friends with their mothers, i don't feel sad or lost because my mom died when i was 9..

i feel fine..
really

because i don't ,u know, show emotions or cry publicly..

private things like that, is to be keep just for myself..

it doesn't mean i don't love her..
it just that i forgot how it feels to have a mother..

i do love her of course..
but the impact was not as catastrophic as when my dad died..

i was CRUSHED..
everything fell apart..

i was so broken that i want to die with him..
seriously..

and my sister almost quit her study ..

it was three month before SPM comes..
that is why i didn't do so well back then..
because i lost the person who meant everything to me..

i'm kind a A straight student,
kind a.. u c..
i study so hard not because i loovee to study..
believe me i don't.
but because i want him to be proud of me..

because i love my dad..
soo much that me and my sisters devoted our life to him..

so, when he died, everything fell apart..
so broken inside i can't even tell..

i was planning to get straight A's for my SPM so that i will have the opportunity to further my study overseas,
cause i know that is what my father always wanted..
but when he's gone, that dream sound like so impossible..

until now, it still so hard for me to just remember him, without tears streaming down my face..

because he is my everything, my dad..

i can't stand people who does not appreciate or say something bad to their parents, that is just not right..

because i promise you people, when they are gone, you will regret every little bad things you once said to them, or did to them..

............................

i remember that night, 070197,
the night that my mother had her last breath..

i saw her in my dream, that night,
but i know it was not like a normal dream,
i know it is real..

i was sitting at the edge of the bed, holding some toy in my hands..
she's sitting beside me..
she said that 'na, mulai hari ni na kena jaga diri sendiri, sebab mak dah takde, mak dah meninggal'
and i said; takpe lah mak, mak meninggal hari ni, nanti esok mak datang lah balik'
and she said ' mak dah meninggal, mak takkan datang balik dah'

and when i look up to her, she was gone..
i cry so hard that my dad wakes me up..

and days after that i keep crying asking where my mom is..
and each time, my dad will start crying too..

one day i decided that i won't cry ever again. because it will just broke my dad's heart..
and it broke my heart to see him like that..

that is why i don't cry publicly..

..........................................................

when my dad spent his few last days lying on the hospital's bed, in coma,
i pray to God that if it is better for him to go,
HE better take him..
i will let go...
never in my whole life i prayed that,
cause he's been in ICU too many times..
when i got my UPSR's result, i whisper to him that i got 5A's
i whisper in his ear, because he was in coma,

and i studied at his hospital's bed when i'm taking PMR..

that was my rough days..
i'll go straight to hospital after school, everyday..

until the day he died.
.........................................

i'm sad..

now..
what am i doing with my life?
empty..
nothing..
sad huh?

where i always want to be

hujan renyai2..
aku lajukan kaki menuju ke kamu..
laju2 sampai jadi lari-lari anak..

sampai sampai tapak tangan aku sandarkan pada kulitmu..
seraya senyum semanis mungkin aku beri..
rindu sungguh,

aku sapu titis hujan di hujung rambut yang hampir mencucuk mata.
haaaaah..
nafas dihela panjang,
lega disampaikan,

hujan berhenti menyimbah bumi,sinar mentari nampak kembali,
perlahan punggung dilabuhkan,
kaki dilunjurkan,
kepala perlahan ku sandar ke kamu,

suria sudah lihatkan diri,
sinar memanaskan kaki,
cepat ku tarik ia,
tangan erat memeluk lutut,
sebab aku mahu ini,
rasa sejuk gigil ini,

disini lah tempat aku rindu,
selalu.

the calmness, the mighty tranquility

this is my favorite part,
the fresh air that you breathed ,
the smell of humidity in the air,
the smell of the rain.
this where i always want to be,

you are my tree.my big strong tree.
who always cover me from the sun,
or sometimes the rain.

where i know I'll be safe, right here.
in your heart.

you are my tree.