i dont know how to ..live

life is ...what exactly?

is it a path with mysterious end or is it a story written so well and we're just playing our part?
i honestly don't know,

but what i know is,
life is hard,
for some people,
and not so hard,
for those people we consider as the lucky ones.

there types of people, or i would types of life.
the first goes to the lucky one,
royal, they get and do pretty much what ever they want.
and the richest of the richest too.
well,
i won't bother about them.
i am not one of them, i don't socialize with those people.
talking about the more realistic ones,
closer to me one.

she is a friend.
not so close.
but a friend.
her parents are the rich people.
she gets a driver to drove her to school everyday,
and pick her up too.
never being fetch late.

then she goes to high school,
the kind of high school that only rich people's kids go?
yeah.
i was bright though.
but not the 'WOW' bright,
she was okey.
then she finished high school and went to the most expensive college in the oversea.
had a blast of her life.
came back and literally.
do nothing.
because money was no problem to her.
or her family.
the are the rich people.

and observing her life,
i think.
no fair.
no fair.
she's beautiful, smart, and she got to keep everything.
and her parent too.
no fair.

and i did not have anything,
no parent,
no money,
no nothing.
my life sucks.
compared to her of course.

one thing about money is.
its drive you nuts!!
because of money,
i actually write this post.
i am mad to my boyfirend,
because he cannot talk to me everytime i called him,
except before he went to bed,
because he needs to work,
8am to 1 am,
everyday because he want to make more money.
and i am mad.
not to him
but to fact that i cant be mad at all.
because its is stupid and irrelevent.

so i am pissed off because of money!
 told you money drives you nuts!

i keep complaining that i don't have a life.
not true!
i don't have THE  money,
without money,
i can't go out and hang out with my friends,
i can't to shopping,
not even online!
i can't go to vacation,
i can't pretty much do anything.
that's why my world isn't moving for me.
because of the damn money.

and i promise to myself that i would never everrrr put myself in this pathetic little situation again!
i can live just alright without money.
right?
fine, i know,
money isn't everything,
but everything needs money,
How's frustrating it is? Hurm

hey, how's life peeps?

The answer would...

  errrrrrr Pretty much nothing..really.
okey, this is the state where you see yourself transferring from young adult to- A.D.U.L.T

at least that's the way i see it.
we grow up, move forward everyday, and i must say, i too don't know how i get here.
but all i know is i'm here now.
i am now officially 23, jobless graduates, and nothing.
like 23?????? when did i get so old?

omg.
for 23 years, i certainly don't know what i am doing.
i manage to finish my degree on time. 4 years. phewww.that was long.
but seriously,i feels like i was on the 3rd semester just yesterday.
well, since i was a little kid, i always thought that i'll die before i finish high school.
i'll die or the dooms day came.
and, or course i didn't die, or was sent to hell.
i actually finished my high school years.
then next came matriculation days and life in uni.
the reason why i think i would die before i reached 17 is because,
it seems too long to finish high school.

owh wait!
my convocation day would be on upcoming november! can't wait.
and i'll be struggling to decide who will be in the hall watching me accepting the scroll.
well, it would be easier if my parent is still here.
i need to make a wise decision so that no one will feel left out, or dismissed or anything.

my boyfriend said i can start working last sunday at the maxis centre.
but, today is tuesday, and not a word from him.
i feels likely to kill him.
i especially hate waiting.
u know,
ESPECIALLY when i don't know what i was waiting for.
it is sick.

okey, u know what.
until today,
i believe that
i never done anything for myself.
u know.
never.
i went to take engineering course because of my brother (since i don't know what i want to be, literally)
and when i finally get my degree, i dont know what to do with it.
of course i try to find a job related to the course.
but, i don't really want to be an engineer.
(except for the money, you see, i love money)
but, since i was able to dream,
i always want to be a model or a stewardess.
haha
laugh all you can.
but i did.
and realize i wasn't cut out to be a model because of my height.
of course i was like the TALLEST among my sisters.
 but not in the real world.

and now it's too late for me to do that.
it's a bye-bye dream.
now i want to work my ass off to find a decent job with a decent paycheck
so that i can fulfill my other dreams.
that would be my EUROPEAN TOUR!!
well, i kind of promise myself to do that before i die.
at least now, i DO NOT think that i'll die before i reach 50 years old.

heh