Wednesday, January 27, 2010

it's better to not know

and now i know for sure that i can be mean to people sometimes,
because when my feeling's hurt,
i don't feel like keeping it to myself,
i let it out,
in a way that,
people see as,

unease ,
hurtful ,

i don't usually attack people,
i am being very defensive of myself,


all those years,
i kept it all,
without a trace,
all the unease, hurtful, cruel moments.

and i don't have a chance to be defensive.

at all.

and i hate those people whom treat me like shit.
that's why i want to at least try, to be nicer?
better.way better.

p/s: ini kes mulut celupar.hehe

Monday, January 25, 2010

My worst enemy

halloo sayangs,

it's been sooo long since my last post..
been so lazy and busy to update it..or i rather say, i only can write when i want to...

well, actually there been a lot of issues that are interesting to be yapping about, but i'm too lazy to type it so the words just play in my head.

today, i spent half of my working hours reading Tun Mahathir's blog and i get stuck on the 9/11 was staged article..
since i'm a big fan of Tun, so i read those tiny words til my eyes are hurt..

and i watched the 2 hour video that was linked to this article and it's interesting..

So i'm not a big fan of BUSH rite, so, of course i agree with Tun that the attack was staged..
i'ts definitely the conspiracy theory that happen between the Jews and BUSH which BUSH happen to be denying it over and over again.
or i would say the conspiracy by the peoples who lied to go to a war..

enough said.

when i was a kid, i enjoyed reading newspaper, every single day..i would read every pages (except for the sport section because it sucks,haha)
and when, i was a kid, til now, i realize that there a section on the international news, (i guess)..
everyday, there would article about how awful it is the situations in PALESTINE. I mean every single day.

and everytime, i read it,read it , read it and read it..
and i hate it,because i can't do anything to stop it except pray to ALLAH that some day HE would payback the same thing to those cruel Zionis.

so, one day i just decided to stop. reading articles about that.
and i can say that, it is a lot easier..i don't know what, but i do feel ease.

So, when i read the post on Tun's blog today, those hurtful, hatred, devastating feeling came back.. and again. i felt helpless.urgh.

These kind of things pressurized me.

I love books. ready love them.
When i started to collect the books i read when i was younger, mystery, fiction, horror would be my genre. after a while i stop buying this genre of books since i found that they are too somehow give me a non-comforting-pressurizing feeling.

I decide to go for romance.Until now.
Romance gives me butterflies.and put a smile on my face and sometimes a blush.
silly rite?

Owh, i do bought a book last week but haven't had a chance to even browse through it.
i will not start reading it until i am capable to really provide sufficient time to finish it, it's just me, u know, because books for me is like a wine, the longer you keep it, the better the taste.

And i'm still searching for catcher in the rye.hopefully this weekend will do it.

P/s: i started to lost tracks in my life.don't know,what, where, when,how things going on lately.