Alhamdulillah, I think this is the first time I have ever start my post with a Salam.
Well, it is Ramadhan again, I am grateful to Allah that He still love me and give me the opportunity to experience yet another blessed and blissful Ramadhan.
As long as I can write, I will write in this blog, eventhough it is not frequent. I am not sure using the word "write" is right, but you got what I mean right ;) .
Ramadhan this time is somewhat very special to me. The first day alone was , erm how should I put it, "tough".
And it is not tough because of the lack of food and water in my system, it is mentally tough. I am not sure if that makes sense.
Being hit with a massive headache/migraine really affected my fasting on the first day since all I was able to do was sleep. Don't even ask how did I got myself a massive migraine, I might have triggered it myself from the endless crying. Well, that is not to be discussed here. :p
I have been longing to write, but then I felt that I literally almost did not have time for myself, let alone, actually spending a generous amount of time to blog. So, i skipped, and skipped.
I have been struggling with some issues with myself lately. Having to decide what I want/want to do is actually hard than having to decide what to have for breakfasting today (Muslim's dilemma every Ramadhan). I have been thinking about "covering up" starting this year's Ramadhan's, I want to do it, but I may not be 100% ready, I should it but I am still enjoying all the non-Islamic clothing. I don't know, really. Why is it so damn hard to decide about covering up? It is a good thing though, wait it is the RIGHT thing to do. Why am I having this dilemma? It is really that hard to just put a cloth on your head to cover your hair? Is it?
YES. it is. Because covering up does not mean that you put a piece of cloth on your head to cover your hair, it is more than that, it is about not showing ANY part of your body to the Mahram for except your face and palms.
That is a big step, 90% of my clothes now in not going to deliver the covering up part. And I am frustrated about that. Your feet is aurat, your body SHAPE is aurat, your VOICE is aurat.
IT IS HARD.
You know what will be worth all the HARDship just to cover your aurat? Allah's blessing, HIS approval, if you do it because you are afraid of the sins granted to you, yes you are doing it for the RIGHT thing, not because of what people will say, not because of my parent ask me to, not because I look pretty and fashionable in that fancy colourful scarf.
And it is sad because I am not ready yet to give up my skirts, my dresses, my pants for Allah's approval.
Would you guys pray for me please.?
Ramadhan here you come again,
Thank you for not abandoning me,
Save me from this pain,
As I was so lost in finding thee,
Open my heart for your hidayah,
As my heart is thick with sins,
It is your love I should be chasing,
Not the human temporary compliments.